Infertility

Cycle 2

2009-12-20T23:16:00.001Z

Well, cycle 2 was not a success either. Guess I'm going to have to wait for the third attempt.

The wait...

2009-12-07T20:35:00.002Z

I don't like the waiting around bit of this! Can't help counting down! Only 11 days to go, then we'll find out if cycle 2 has been successful. Fingers crossed!

The drugs don't work...

2009-11-20T18:12:00.002Z

Well, just found out that the first cycle has failed.
Feeling really down about it as I had been feeling quite positive & had got my hopes up. I know it's only the first of 5 cycles, but I was really hoping that it would work first time.
Really starting to feel like I should just give up as it feels as if it is never going to happen.
Heres to the next cycle.

2009-11-03T19:22:00.002Z

I've now finished my first course of Clomid! Really hoping that it works! Haven't had too many side effects, thankfully. Have been having hot flushes (now I sympathise with all the middle age women at work!) which has been making it a bit difficult to sleep, so I'm a bit tired at the moment! Other than that it's not been too bad!
I've got to go for a scan tomorrow to make sure that it is all ok, then we just have to wait & see what happens! They've put me on a 6 month course, so if it doesn't work we'll just have to carry on with it for a bit longer.
I'm also really happy as me & hubby have just bought a boat!

Script

2009-10-05T19:44:00.002+01:00

I have now got my prescription through & took it into the pharmacy today. Should be in tomorrow! Now I just have to wait for my next cycle before I can start taking it.
How exciting & scary, all at the same time! Fingers crossed this might just work!!!

2009-09-29T20:53:00.002+01:00

Spoke to the hospital today. They've got all the test results back and they have all come back clear, so we are now officially class in the "unexplained" category. They are going to start me on Clomid next cycle. I have to take them from day 2 through to day 5, then go in for a scan to make sure that I am not hyper-sensitive to them and over producing.
My prescription will be in the post tomorrow! So exciting! Just hope that they work, if not we will have to go onto the more complex treatments.

HSG

2009-09-03T18:24:00.002+01:00

I had my HSG done today. An interesting experience! (And not necessarily one I'd want to repeat!) Now I'm getting some quite impressive stomach cramps.
Thankfully I got the results straight away, so I don't have to sit around waiting! It all came back clear, so we are still none the wiser. In a way I am pleased that there is nothing wrong, but then at the same time I almost wish they had found something because at least then I'd be a little less confused! We have now been classified as "unexplained infertility".
Now we just have to wait for the doctor to contact us to let us know where we go from here. From what I was told at the consultation appointment a couple of weeks ago, the next step will be to try taking Clomid for a few cycles to see if that will help. They did warn us that there is an increased chance of multiple births when taking this, so we'll have to wait and see what happens! I just hope that this will be succesful as otherwise we are going to have to start IVF.
Once again, fingers crossed!

Slightly more hopeful...

2009-08-23T13:22:00.002+01:00

Had a great day at King's Lynn yesterday. Came away feeling alot more positive!
The nurse was really helpful and has explained everything to us in a much more understandable way than the people at the Norwich clinic. She told me that I'll have to go back in for an scan in a couple of weeks to determine if there are any internal problems, eg. blockages, then, depending on the results of that, we can start treatment. If nothing shows up on the scan we will be classed as unexplained and I will be put on a course of Clomid for 6 months in an attempt to get things moving, if not, we will be starting with IVF.

As we were in down that end of the county we decided to make the most of it and went for a day out at Hunstanton. Had a walk around the town and went to the Sea life centre. The weather was great, which was a big bonus!

All in all, it was a nice day out!

Should I get excited, again?

2009-08-17T19:49:00.002+01:00

Well, got an appointment through to go for another consultation, this time at the Queen Elizabeth hospital in Kings Lynn for this Saturday. Want to be excited but I know that it'll just lead to more waiting. Hopefully they won't make me repeat all the tests again, as I've already been through them once, some of them more!
With any luck this might actually be the begining of a journey that will lead somewhere this time!

Bored & impatient!

2009-08-03T20:17:00.001+01:00

Not heard any more yet. Still waiting, story of my life!

More waiting!

2009-07-06T18:59:00.002+01:00

Just got a letter through from the hospital to say that they have received our referal. We're going to have to wait for a further 3 months before they send us an appointment, and this is going to be for yet another consultation! I thought the GP was going to try to fast track our referal as we have already been through it all once! Yet more waiting to do then!

The ups and the downs

2009-06-17T22:28:00.002+01:00

It's been a really emotional week, not to mention a bit confusing!
Hubby got the results for his semen analysis. Thankfully for him, they came back absolutely fine. I'm really pleased for him as I knew how much it was worrying him, but at the same time it was very upsetting for me as this means that the chances are the problem is going to be something to do with me.
I have cried a lot. However happy I am for him, I'm just as upset for me! Totally irrational and probably a bit selfish, I know, but I really can't help it!
I just feel so confused about it all. Now we've got his results I really want mine done. Until I've got answers I'm going to continue to feel confused.
we still haven't heard from the clinic about our consultation. Not sure how long it'll take, but I'm getting sick of waiting as we have already been through this all once, to be told that we'd have to go right back to the beginning! Aaargh!

Now we're getting somewhere...I think!

2009-06-01T19:34:00.002+01:00

Had the appointment with the GP on Saturday and finally feel like we might just be getting somewhere!
He explained all about how the new referal system works, set me up for the next lot of blood test (on Wednesday) and sorted out Hubby's sample (which he gets to do at home now!).
As soon as my blood tests are done he is going to get the new referal sent off. He has also agreed to send us to a more local hospital, so now we won't have to go to London, which is alot more convenient. He has said that he will mention in the letter that we have already been refered once and have had a consultation at another clinic, so hopefully we can get seen a little bit quicker. Don't really want to have to go through the long wait again just to get a consultation.

On a worse note, one of the girls I work with decided it was a good idea to discuss the referal and treatment in all it's glory infront of our customers at work! After telling her about it all in confidence, and saying I didn't want anyone else to know about it, it was hard enough to handle when she told them all, but bringing it up infront of the customers was just plain rude!!! At least I now know who I can't trust!

Re-referral

2009-05-26T21:42:00.003+01:00

Finally managed to get through to someone who could advise us what to do next, being that the clinic has closed down.
I got an email from the nurse at Bart's, who has told me that we can be seen at our local clinic, but will need to be re-refered by our GP.
Went into the surgery after work and spoke to the receptionist, who told me the doctor would call me back the next day. Didn't hold out too much hope here, as I'm getting quite used to being told this and never hearing anything, but to my surprise, he called me back first thing the next day!!! He told me that we would indeed need a re-referal to get back into the system, but he was unsure of exactly how this works. He is going to find out more information about it for us and has booked us an appointment for Saturday to come in and discuss what he has found out and what happens next.
We're feeling a little bit more optimistic now as I feel we are back in the hands of people who are interested in our treatment, at least for the time being!
Hopefully, fingers crossed, this may be the start of something a bit more promising.
After all this time being stalled by the people who are supposed to be helping I really want to get on with it. I know after all this time waiting, another few weeks shouldn't matter, but it really does!

It just gets harder!

2009-05-18T18:48:00.002+01:00

This just gets harder by the day.
We have still got no further with anything. After weeks of trying to get through to the clinic to arrange our next appointment for the first scans & samples, I find out that they have closed down. Didn't even bother to let us know. I only found out through an article in the local paper.
We tried to contact one of the other local clinics, but they know nothing about what is happening with all the patients that have been left behind.
I am starting to feel like giving up as we are getting nowhere.
The emotions are getting worse too. I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time. It's amazing that one thing can take over your life so much. Hopefully once we start to get somewhere it might all get a little easier. I'm told that all these feelings are quite normal, but it doesn't feel very normal to me. I just want to feel happy again.

First appointment

2009-02-01T14:10:00.002Z

Had our first appointment last week. It was only a consultation, but it's great to feel that we are finally getting somewhere!
They went through our medical histories, asked a handful of questions & then arranged our next appointments. I've got to go for some more blood tests in a couple of weeks, then we both have to go to St. Bart's in London for more tests, scans... Once this is all done & the results are in, we can decide what to do next.
As it happens, the London appointment is the Thursday before the Easter bank holiday & is also a couple of days after my birthday, so we're going to make the most of it & stay in London for a few days.
I'm alot happier now that I feel that things are finally moving along! Can't wait for the next bit now!

What comes next?...

2008-09-29T20:01:00.003+01:00

Well, I've had my third attempt at my blood tests and, so far, they haven't contacted me, so I'm assuming that they were fine this time.
Hubby had to cancel his appointment as he couldn't get the time off work and, until he has had his done, nothing more can happen. They will only send the referral once all bloods are complete. Starting to get impatient now as it seems that he isn't going to be given the time off any time soon.
I'm still hoping that some little miracle may just happen and it'll all happen naturally, but I guess that after this long it is just wishful thinking. I can still keep my fingers crossed.
Didn't tell my parents about it in the end. It's kind of hard to talk about to people you know, let alone your parents. A bit embarrassing!
Hopefully he can get his bloods sorted soon, then I'll feel a bit more like we are starting to get somewhere.

How can it be so hard to do something so natural?

Poem...

2008-09-17T18:52:00.006+01:00

When it's just not enough

I have plans and ideas, I strive to achieve,I have a desire and a dream, I want to believe,But dreams and ideas are not enough.

I have time and patience, the longing to be,I have all the love, but why not me?Because love and patience are not enough.

I'd give all I have, I'd sacrifice it all,To live this dream, to not have to fall,But this will never be enough.

I'm losing my dream, I'm losing my fight,The desire is still there, but I can't see the light,When life is not enough.

Internet

2008-09-17T18:52:00.003+01:00

I thought I'd have a look on the Internet to find out more information on what to expect from our referral. Sounds a bit daunting!
The questions they will ask are all a bit embarrassing. It says they are going to want to talk about our sex life, my periods and other such stuff that you don't generally bring up in everyday conversation, so I'll look forward to that!?!

The girls at work are starting to ask questions about why I have to go for so many blood tests at the moment, but I can't quite bring myself to tell them about it, just keep making excuses. I find it hard to talk to people about it because it makes me feel like a failure. Making a baby is the most basic of human instincts and we can't do it.

No matter where I look at the moment there seems to be babies or pregnant women.

Why can't it be me?

The start of the journey...

2008-09-16T18:48:00.004+01:00

I've set up this blog to try to show people what it involves to go through fertility testing and treatments.
This is the begining of what I think is going to be a long and difficult time for me & my husband.

After speaking to my GP a couple of weeks ago about how we are trying to conceive our first child, I was told that the chances of this happening naturally for us were very slim. We have not used any form of protection since just after we got married on 14 February 2004, and apparently, if it hasn't happened yet, it probably isn't going to. I'm devistated. Starting sa family together is such a basic part of life, but we can't do it.
The doctor advised referal to a specialist for testing & possible treatment, but before this referal can be done we will need to have some blood tests done. I had my tests done a few days later, but was then contacted to be told that some of the tests had been missed & that I would have to go back in to have these ones done too. I went back a week later for them, but when I got home that evening I got a call to say they had made a mistake with them and that they would have to redo them, again!
I have now booked in for Tuesday 23 September to have them repeated & my hubby is going to be having his done at the same time.

Not sure what will happen after this. I was told the referal will be sent once our results are back, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I know this is going to be a difficult journey for us. I'm already feeling emotional & I've already cried at work and it's hardly even started!